I wrote this short summary of equanimity practices for the Cultivating Emotional Balance newsletter (that you can subscribe to here). Below are two guided equanimity practices that I posted on YouTube a while ago.
In many ways, equanimity is still a novel concept for many of us, and even a novel word. Meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg recalls a story from her own first retreat in Bodhgaya. Every time the instructor, S.N. Goenka, said “equanimity”, members of the group would turn to each other and say, “Is that even a word?!”
Apparently, it is—a word loaded with meaning, and vitally important if we are to go beyond mere non-judgemental awareness towards an evenness of mind that has room for nuance and moral discernment (never at the expense of kindness, though).
We might define equanimity as a state of mind that is equally free from neurotic desire, aversion, and indifference.
In very simple terms, that means I’m less of a clingy vampire towards whatever brings me pleasure; less of a block of ice towards beings (and things) that leave me indifferent; and, of course, less averse to whatever I instinctively see as unpleasant.
The result? Less reactivity, less contempt, less regrettable emotional episodes. More kindness, more serenity, more patience.
There are many forms to equanimity, all of them important for establishing greater levels of mental clarity and balance. The word itself speaks volumes: many of us are, after all, aspiring for equal serenity, equalkindness, and equal wisdom in all situations, with regards to all beings. When this goal appears to be too lofty, equanimity comes to our aid again: how is this more intimidating than any other task to be accomplished by making one step at a time? As Śāntideva reminds us, there’s nothing that doesn’t become easier with habituation.
Depending on the object this attitude is related to, we can speak of equanimity towards experiences and equanimity towards beings. The latter form—impartial openness of our heart—is part of the four affective states that are an essential part of CEB’s contemplative curriculum. Different strategies for cultivating this state lead us through an analysis of our habits, wherein we establish greater openness (less clinging, less expectations) and a greater sense of kinship with all.
As we do this, we may grow more and more confident that everyone else is in the same boat—and that we can’t force them to conform to our expectations any more than they can with us. What we can do, though, is extend boundless radiant warmth by understanding our interconnectedness. When directed at our own experiences—pleasant, unpleasant and neutral—equanimity is compared to the earth that carries all with equal grace. For me, that means I can bear all that I’m facing—I can stomach my joys and be brave at the face of my problems. Equanimity can carry it all.
This type of evenness, cultivated through a combination of attention-training and insight practices, is the equal stability, equal spaciousness of mind: no habitual response of ours is too be trusted blindly, but all responses are respected as the beautiful play of our mind’s energy. With this equanimity as a basis, discerning awareness helps us make optimal practical decisions: wise and kind enough to perpetually serve as the basis for greater wellbeing, personal and social alike.
Ideas for practicing equanimity
On the cushion (formal practice)
Arguably, the most difficult aspect of equanimity is reducing our clinging to loved ones and the choices they make. When this just doesn’t seem to work and our expectations for our friends and family are as strong as they’ll ever be, try repeatedly entrusting others to something greater than yourself (depending on your personal beliefs): positive interdependence, God, Tara, ancestors, or basic goodness itself. Phrases like “Be blessed” or “Go in peace” can help in this extremely intimate process. Be brave and remember to be gentle with yourself!
Off the cushion (informal practice)
Try switching your view to that of the people around you—take 10 to 15 seconds to see yourself and the situation (including the material environment) through their eyes. While our understanding of what others are going through is usually very limited, what’s important here is learning to see everyone as a subject rather than a mere function.